Archive for the ‘Say what?!?’ Category
|Die Antwoord
Tuesday, March 16th, 2010
Ninja, front man for Die Antwoord
For me, the only music worth buying is South-African music.
Being an artist in SA is no easy task particularly if you are a musician. I always got the impression that other people would look down on them as if to ask “when are you going to grow up and get a real job?” Thanks to Die Antwoord, that’s about to change.
I spotted them back when foOninjas was still up and even posted their ring tune for “enter the ninja” courtesy of the crazy guys over at www.watkykjy.co.za, not that I want to pull in on the whole “I told you they’d be big” thing, but if you don’t believe me, ask my dad who copied all their songs from me last December during my exile in South-Africa 
It was with some shock that I discovered this weekend that Ninja used to be Max Normal. I say shock because I’ve owned (and I have to add the word legitimately here) some of his albums, hell, I even bought some of the tracks off the The Fantastic Kill album on Rhythm records when he was known as Watkin Tudor Jones and never even once suspected that Ninja was Max and Max was Ninja. The styles, beats, lyrics and the intelligence that went into his older works are in a league of their own and clearly shows that the man was ahead of his time. Not that the music from Die Antwoord is inferior, it just has a rawness to it and an angry violence that doesn’t really let up. It’s also understandable that so many South-Africans are appalled by their success with their generally high judgemental disposition. An English friend commented that their videos are bad to watch, the kind of bad you experience when you watch car accidents on youtube where you don’t want to watch but can’t stop yourself. He may have something there since they just pushed over the 2.3 million views mark, a fucking far stretch from the 700k views the last time I saw their Enter the Ninja Video.
For what it’s worth, I’m a fan of Ninja and Yo-landie Visser. They’ve come a damn long way and they are more deserving than the shit people are forced to listen to in South-Africa, more so since they were signed this week with interscope. If I had it my way, they would sign the rock legends Fokofpolisiekar too.
Die Antwoord Featuring progeria survivor Leon Botha
I don’t care if people say it’s all a show, the guy clearly submerges himself into what he does. If that isn’t passion I do not know what is. If you haven’t checked out their Flex on the interweb, what are you doing hanging around here for?
- 19/03/2010 My friend Jester Thump just told me about this little gem filmed pre-Ninja:
and this one that’s slightly prophetic
Tags: $O$, die antwoord, enter the ninja, interscope, max norma, ninja, progeria, the answer, watkin tudor jones, yo-landi visser, zef side
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Swansea love story
Thursday, February 18th, 2010
This thing made me think of a documentary I saw last year that had me in tears and I’m not talking about Borat tears here.
This thing makes me appreciate lot’s of other things…..
Watch it
Tags: drug addicts, heroin, swansea, vbs, wales
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why we do the things we do
Tuesday, October 6th, 2009
“Don’t listen to the pussy side of you when you make a decision.
People gravitate towards being a pussy. Remove the pussy, son.”
That qoute from shitmydadsays could be interpreted as:
Stop being a big fat scardy cat. Man-up, take the risk, stop being such a friggin girl.
I saw it as: remove the ultimate goal of getting laid when making a decision or doing stupid things in order to be more appealing to the fairer sex.
Why the hell would I construe something so obvious?
Perhaps it’s because I see it every day. Men do the smallest most stupid things that aren’t noticed by women to get them laid. It’s pathetic and yet, I am guilty as sin.
At work I see it all the time too. Screw what they say about equality. Men treat female co-workers in a special way, just to better their chances of entry. I’d go so far as to say every thing a man does is powered by the need to get more punani.
I’m not talking about splashing aftershave, sweating our balls off in the gym, or working our asses off to own sport cars. No, I’m talking about the little things we do without even realising we do them. Even if we are hitched, we still do it.
Almost causing an accident to allow the hottie in her polo fox the space in front of you, changing the tone of our voice when we talk to the HR lady, offering the chair up in the lunch room, faking concern when we are sizing them up or worse, belittling a mate with a sarcastic comment to show how obviously mentally superior we are.
I’ve seen men do some silly shit due to the presence of women. Take a year ago at a company party as an example. There was this girl who drank too much and started to puke. There were 3 other guys who puked violently too but as it would turn out, the woman had 2 blokes creating a human barrier for her whilst she slept after her puking episode on the floor in the hopes that when she gets sober, somebody would vouch for their valiant attempts…….to get laid…….. The other 3 puking dudes, were fine too although their chances for getting laid remained the same.
What’s the point? All men are players. We can’t help it. Our motives are screwed thanks to everything we pass through our sex filter and we’ll change ourselves, the things we do and how we do them normally in order to get laid. Even with our spouses.
My question is this:
What would the world be like if men were to cut pussy’s out of the equation when making decisions?
Tags: feminist, free line skates, freelines, men are easy, player, punani, sex filter, twitter
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there's nothing wrong with Esther
Thursday, August 6th, 2009
why so serious?
I don’t care what some reviews say about the film “the Orphan”, on how the makers forgot where they were going with it, I liked it.
It was delisciously evil and I honestly rooted for the girl whilst having the odd giggle as she manipulated her way out of brutal situations. I knew something was up when she had more mature insights than the entire cast of Dawson’s Creek but I couldn’t put it together untill the end was given towards the very very end. I’m not going to spoil it for you, but if I had to give you my take on the film it was about folks who are too impulsive, too broody over past issues and if some of them had gotten laid more, things might have been peacefull. Ester was, to my wife’s utter horror when I made the revelation, the ultimate pedo, no jail time dream.
Tags: horror, new release, pshycosis, the orphan
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Sundae is common
Monday, July 27th, 2009
my Ben & Jerry's festival ticket
I love Ben & Jerry’s, not just the Ice cream variants rich in large ingredients and flavour, but also what the brand represents. I think they have the right idea when it comes to giving something back. Who cares if they use a running water mill to help protect us from swine flue?( That kid in Africa only needs £2 a year to waste as much as he wants right? )
They also have a number of events through-out the world, one of which was held this weekend in London on Clapham common with all kinds of young girls in whispy spring dresses.
Being the second time I went to the festival I had some expectation since the first time I went, we got to see Florence and the machine when she was still unsigned and we had our fill of Free Ice cream. This year, I was full of expectation with bands such as Super Fury Animals, Teenage Fanclub, Marina and the diamonds, I am Kloot, Tommy Reilly playing and rumour that we will get to taste the American only Ice Cream variant “Yes Pecan”. For some reason, my expectations were too high this year.
The festival organisers are in my opinion Nazi bred bastards with a knack of forcing people to spend dosh.
I’m not talking about the Auswitch perimeter they have set up around the festival, patrolled by fierce lookin guards around the minute, no, I’m talking about their stupid “no own food and drink rule”
Fine, there were 2 bar tents this year, but damnit, I don’t care if you shit money bags for a living, I refuse to pay £3.70 for a 330ml Budweiser when last year, I could get a can of Carlsberg for less ( But I had to wait for 90mins in a que to get that beer ).
I suspect other people felt the same way since the liquor queues were short this year but the queues for the free icecreams were insanely long where my friends were queuing for 30mins to get their scoop fix.
The food was also priced at premium and I was expected to pay £5 for a bland roll with some meat on but if you want to go to the hippie yuppie retro fashion victim festival you are not affected by the credit crunch and should stfu since nobody likes a tight arse.
The credit crunch did however affect the festival. Same airguitar guys ( who seriously need to get their hands on a Guitar hero controller ), less rides for the kiddies, less freebies than last year and the same annoying midget on stilts who seems to be around every corner jerking his rubber chicken. Yes, really. I’m pretty sure The Toe wrestler whore the same pink mankini than last yea too.
I liked the festival though, it was warm yet breezy, there were pretty lookin folk about and the bands were damn awesome, it is also one of the few festivals where kids are on a constant sugar high running from one queuing parent to the next.
If I decide to go next year, I’ll think of ways to fuck their ” no food and drink rule ” over for damn sure.
Tags: ben & jerry's festival, florence and the machine., marina and the diamonds, sundae on the common, super furry animals
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the mentally challenged and the physically fit
Thursday, July 23rd, 2009
some fugly shoes
I work with some interesting people. No, I don’t have to be nice on my blog, so let me rephrase. I work with some crazy people and I’m always fascinated when I listen to them justify their utter lunacy.
This afternoon, upon seeing one guy ( let’s call him Frankie ) in our office wearing a pair of white trainers with black suit trousers and pimp pink stripe collar shirt, I called Frankie over to tell him that his style makes me want to hurt other peoples babies.
I mean FFS, can’t he at least wear black trainers in an office where trainers are banned and we are forced to wear uncomfortable shoes?!?
Nooooo, he says in a Forest Gump moment, these are his magic shoes as he takes one off and hands it over.
Like Superman just got bum raped with a Kryptonite dildo, my arm fell under the sheer weight of the trainers.
Frankie explains this is why he does not pay to go to the gym and makes me go on to their website. I’m gobsmacked. Trutly stunned at what the hell people will spend money on. He said it wasn’t politically correct when I told him I’d rather wear 2 Somalians on my feet than a pair of Nikken shoes in WHITE only because “there wasn’t a big enough demand for black Nikken shoes”. Fuck that, I’d rather walk through thorns like a Shaka Zulu Impi than wear this retirement village mail order catalogue crap.
Perhaps I’ll get a pair as basic protection against knife carrying kiddies in London, provided I can get them off in time.
I’m not done yet. These shoes will make your fat ass look fatter. It will not do anything for your calves. Rather spend the €42 (!) for an hour with a life coach or a motivational speaker, unless of course he is already wearing a pair or making people vote for him over and over on Britains next top coach.
Tags: bullshit, fatty, fitness, fugly, mail order shoes, nikken, stupid, walk & fit, walk and fit
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a websolution for sheep perverts
Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009
we loves it!
I hate anything that is designed to put me in touch with the wankers I had to spend my school years with.
Before you even think of listening to the sheep voice in your head telling you facebook is for keeping in touch with your family or getting in touch with friends you’ve lost, have a look and see if you can find one, just one facebook profile that’s honest. I have yet to find one profile where the person isn’t trying to show me how bloody awesome he/she turned out in life, how they deserved to be the winning sperm, how truly unique their wedding was, how many true friends they have and how totally AWESOME and exciting their day to day lives are. I have yet to find one winning profile that doesn’t make we want to hit Jeremy Kyle.
The whole damn thing just reminds me of a cheesy school reunion.
Facebook is a voyeur tool made for saddo’s who want to spy on their ex lovers or work collegues, who don’t understand closure and who also want to smugly congratulate themselves for not being as screwed up as the other person.
It is my humble opinion that facebook is made for those fools who couldn’t really hack the little HTML course in school or at the very least MySpace. I have more respect for the addicts on Second life and World of Warcraft than on facebook. At least those freaks understand what fantasy is and they are exempt for the contempt I feel for facebook users.
What it is good for is advertising and organising events. I honestly feel that companies should have the right to advertise to all facebook users and I pray for they day it get’s haxed or a malicious tool get’s installed on all user accounts. I also think that all employers should be able to look at profiles to better asses what the potential employee thinks of him/herself.
Dad, if you are reading this, please go and delete your account, those people aren’t your friends.
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have a happy life, have kids right before you die
Friday, July 10th, 2009
NOT my friends baby who is destined for fame and instant recognition
“Kids are a good example of a very bad idea” This is my well oiled response whenever anybody asks me when I plan on having some offspring. It is a topic which is causing me some internal conflict and I’m trying to work out why having kids is so damn popular with people.
I regularly have to remind myself during sex that I could be busy making roi jnr. and that I should put in as much effort as possible because you never know if this time one of your sperms will hit the jackpot and your wife will call you the very same morning you woke up and thought “hey, today is my lucky day” to break the happy news.
I got married at the tender age of 22 and my wife and I both thought we’d get some kids when we hit 35. The pair of us are now 4 years from the deadline, and believe me when I say, it’s looming.
But why the dread?
I’ll tell you why, because kids are little joy sucking vampires. The moment you have them, you, as a human being start doubting yourself and life starts to tell you that you are a shit parent. From the midwife, to your mother in law and other insignificant people like nursery maids or worse, your kids friends, every thing will conspire to tell you in your head that you suck as a parent. Like a sheep, you will follow the human desire to then give in to everything your child wants, you will sacrifice, be selfless, spoil, make exceptions and work during your lunch hours to make sure your offspring has the best opportunities and means available to survive and succeed. Well fuck that.
Life should be an open book during weekends and evenings. You should be free to mature at your own pace and not be forced ripe and responsible like when you have a kid and all of a sudden have to consider them by altering your behaviour. Having kids is a forced unselfish act and some people even measure their success by their parenting. Now that I think about it you can simply narrow it down to KIDS = SACRIFICE.
My mom used to say she loves all of us and wouldn’t swap us for anything, but if she could do it all over she would’ve stayed single and childless. Just that sentence alone made me feel like I got my licks in just by being born. Anyway, if kids are an extension of their parents then it goes a long way to explain the fuckwitts in the UK who think kids will be kids and being anti-social is ok.
Now that I’m touching on the subject, kids have no respect for anything. In my opinion, you stop being a kid the moment you disrespect an elder. Disrespecting elders is a grave sin because you only have one life with no prior experience on how to lead it or to base any decision on other than to rely on the experiences of others, so when a kid pushes the boundaries he or she should face consequences like an adult who knows that everything you do in life has consequences. Point in case, just today I read about a “highly praised by his pupils” science teacher who got arrested for assaulting a kid with a weight at R.C. All Saints School. Inside, I know, just like I know Michael Jackson didn’t look anything like the wax statue in Madamme Tussuads, that the pupil was pushing the limits with his teacher and who prolly just defended himself when 2 girls joined in for the fight too. What a silly circle we can avoid by spanking our kids
I’d be a stone if I didn’t admit to harvesting a need about having a kid of my own whom I can bend and mold into my own likeness, who I can share moments and hobbies with or at the very least, show this world that having a respectful, well mannered child is a possibility. But I won’t fall for that Nymph song.
A popular South-African comedian once talked about having kids right before he was about to kick the bucket. It was funny at the time, but now I’m starting to view it as my own life philosophy.
The other deterrent is having to live with my pregnant wife and facing all kinds of goodies besides the little screaming shitbag, like, post-natal depression, no sex for a couple of months and not to mention the absolute damage a kid does to your girls body. I think my kid will get more than one spank when it comes out.
Britney will be the surrrogate to my children
The solution may be surrogacy. The best surrogate for my purposes will be Britney Spears whom I plan on inseminating naturally. Once she gives birth, I will file for custody which I will obviously win because America and the rest of the world agrees with me that she is a rubbish mother ( in this instance it works for me ) and she will have to pay child support so that I do not have to claim benefits from the state and so that her kids can at least cry with more gusto at her funeral than Michael Jackson’s kids at his memorial.
My wife will be fine with this arrangement and we ( just my wife and I , not Britney who is too spoiled ) will live in a split house with shared areas, but the kids will stay on my side and they will be banned from cleaning my wife’s side of the house unless it’s her birthday.
Bribing corrupt government officials (like Madonna does) to adopt a little kid won’t work either because my Father in law once told me he’d take the adopted child fishing, except, he’d use the kid as bait, on the hook!
If you have kids and you feel you lead a fulfilled life, good for you, just make sure your kid doesn’t grow up to be a chav, binge drinking litigation slapper or one of the characters as depicted in PLAN B’s song “kids” .
Fortunately, staying childless is something both my wife and I agree on. Most of the time.
Tags: All Saints teacher assault, anti social behaviour, artificial insemination, benefits claim, Brad Mcallister, Casper de Vries, Plan B, post natal depression, surrogate, troubled youth
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