why the cinema sucks and rippers will never die

but it forces better quality

Last Saturday, my wife thought it’d be nice to go to the cinema and watch Transformers 2 Rise of the fallen on the big screen to get blown away by the dolby surround sound, to see the transformer animations and experience the effects which made the first Transformers so popular. After all, a DVD or worse yet, a downloaded movie can never ever compare to the joy of watching a movie in the Cinema. pfft!

The only thing “going to the movies” did for me, was making me wish some sadist hid a shaving blade in my popcorn.
Everything sucked chicken balls. From the over priced popcorn, to the stupid 12 year old kiddies running up and down the corridors ( one even zoomed past on his scooter ) making bowel splurging sounds and over reacting to anything that was on screen.
Wait, I’m jumping the gun here. I wanted to start with my wife arguing with me in the pub that we’re going to be late for the movie and that I should down my beer at the risk of freezing my larynx. My opinion was that they mass cram their adverts in for 30 minutes anyway and I continued to ignore her plights while I arrogantly but knowingly sipped my beer. 30 minutes later, we walk in and still get bombarded by the brainwashing adverts they neglect to give you a discount for from your ticket. Bastards.
Let me make a non exhaustive list why I prefer not watching a film in the cinema:
- no adverts
- no chavs, kids, brain dead critiques or silly reaction sounds from stupid people
- if some kid chucks popcorn around, I will smack the shit out of them i.e. less witnesses
- better chairs
- can pause film to take a quick comfort break or rewind to make sure I didn’t miss anything
- smells better
- free from all the fucking media hype trailers that are edited to the point where you wonder if you saw the right trailer once you actually watch the film.
- can have beer

Once we finally got to watch the sequel to the Transformers, I got up twice without really having to. It is a stupid film and Optimus Prime sounds like that ginger guy from CSI Miami with his cheesy over acting. It was a truly happy moment when he got his ass handed to him and got killed. To my dismay, he and that boy was resurrected in soap opera Walt Disney style and saved the world. It was a massive let down the way they did the action sequences. You couldn’t see what the hell went on “in detail” like you thought you would. You are better off buying the 5 for £10 dvd from the limited English vocabulary “you buy dvd” Chinese guy who harass you in Weatherspoons every Friday night.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not entirely this films fault that my visits at the cinemas suck. In fact, a film can suck rhino horn and the experience can still be enjoyable. We once went to the Electric Cinema in Portebello road London, the only cinema to go to in my opinion, with their deep luxurious oxblood colour leather chairs ( or sofas if you pre-book them ), fully stocked bar in the back and all round unique feeling of actually being in a place with a bit of class and cinema heritage to watch Daylight, a prime example of a shitty film I literally slept through. Watching or even sleeping through it in such a great place made it memorable and I look forward to going there again.

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Tags: bad experience, cinema in hammersmith, cineworld, daylight, electric cinema, london, odeon, piracy, protebello road, retro chairs, rise of the fallen, sequel, transformers

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 9th, 2009 at 11:24 am and is filed under Am I the only one?. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.